My mother always told me that sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Well...that is hardly ever true. Names do hurt. Names can destroy a child's confidence. Names can be the difference between a child who grows up to be a confident adult and one who suffers a lifetime of "not feeling quite good enough."
I am an active dad and my yard is often the neighborhood gathering place. So, I hear what 6-10 year-old kids are saying to each other. There is a lot of name calling. It appears that kids are bullies by nature. Some physical and some emotional. But saying that sticks and stones will break our bones but names will never hurt us is simply not good enough. It doesn't mean anything. It isn't a compelling statement to shield a child from the nasty names that are inevitably going to be cast at them in life during their young lives.
The other day one of my daughters was upset because someone called her a dork. Rather than simply conclude that names will never hurt her (when clearly that name did hurt her), I explained WHY names will never hurt her. I explained to her that she should be happy when people call her names because it means the other person is jealous of them. People call you names to bring you down, and they only do it if they feel your above them and in need of being brought down. I also told her that all great people in life are laughed at for trying things that no one has done before. Being called names and laughed at means that you are on the road to potential greatness...that you are on the road to changing the way people think...changing the world.
The first time I said this, it didn't really sink in. So, I continued to do it. I also coupled it with examples of great people who were initially laughed at. And I continue to do that to this day. I am turning name calling into a compliment and being laughed at as a badge of honor.
It seems to be working. What other ways are there to help children to deal with the inevitable name calling that goes hand-in-hand with childhood?
How do you raise confident Daughters? How do you raise confident Sons?
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